When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. Eye Doctor Jokes. 57 jokes about doctors. Two doctor jokes. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help. Usually there's a doctor and a patient. The blonde said, "Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. The second guy comes back and says "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world" Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Anonymous. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. Sort by. no comments yet. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Joke has 24.26 % from 11 votes. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. “I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. Turns out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu. Joke tags. sex. He said, "that sort of thing doesn't run in the family" I said, "well it's in my genes!" A guy goes to the doctor. the world" He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. How to Impress a Man: Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. math. A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's license. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. He hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days so he was worried what had happened to … chemistry. Leave a Comment. kids. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. A man goes to the eye doctor. save. I said, "I'm suffering from hereditary diarrhea!" The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records. On the desk, he put a pitchfork, a wrench, and a hammer and he said to the nurse: ‘If he grabs the pitchfork, he’ll become a farmer. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. Check out these Medical Jokes About Doctors. [57565] Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. bring beer. The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. nerd. A lady went to a doctor’s office, and was being examined by a doctor. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair. When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. - Wall Street Journal According to hospital insurance codes, there are 3 different ways you can be injured by a lamppost. Mrs. Smith Went To The Doctor’s Office. User account menu. Laugh at funny kids jokes, including more Doctor jokes, Horse jokes, Pony jokes at Boyslife.org. A big list of medical jokes! I thoight I saw an eye doctor when I was in Alaska. Similar jokes. and get some very funny answers! He went to see his eye doctor who performed tests on his eye. and he replied ' because I'm trying to examine you!' Elderly Jokes. Vote: share joke. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." [60231] A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." spend money on her, Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. The patient starts the joke by saying "Doctor, doctor!" The man lost 20 pounds in one week! A doctor and a lawyer During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The man. A scrotum pole! First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. It was nice of him to give me permission to masturbate like that! They are the best Internet has to offer. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it Eye Doctor Jokes . What Follows Next Will Blow Your Mind. Elderly Jokes. go to the ends of the earth for her. I bought some HP sauce the other day. She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can. Also, take a look at our other funny jokes categories. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. 3 guys walk into a bar SHARES. Starts at 60 Writers. … Press J to jump to the feed. An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. But my doctor knew how to calm me down. “Don’t worry about a thing,” he assured me. When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was a complete basket case—sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. The doctor gives the man the tablets. white people. I went to the doctor today and said. Tommy Cooper Cooperisms Went to the paper shop - it had blown away. F blonde. You should go to the Psychiatrists' 'I was on my way there, Doctor, when I noticed your light was on' 16:17 Sun 16th Jun 2019 Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. He said just think in colors. Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. animal. Doctor Jokes and Puns. fat. User account menu. listen to her, What The Doctor Told Her Was Brilliant. He advised me to stop masturbating. Feb 06, 2020. '”, “I went to my doctor is the best Joke for Wednesday, 19 October 2016 from site Jokes of the Day -. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Share Tweet. Special Glasses-Eye Doctor Jokes . Press J to jump to the feed. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. Joke: A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. report. I went to the doctor and told him.... Close. Close • Posted by just now. He told me I could have a stroke at any time. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" Submit a Joke. It was nice of him to give me permission to masturbate like that! If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons. A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. So far nobody has laughed I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out … Posted by u/[deleted] 21 days ago. eye doctor jokes clean . Usually there's a doctor and a patient. Laugh at 4,300+ Funny Jokes for Kids What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. Vote: share joke. 357. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? He told me I could have a stroke at any time. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Barely held by the confines of the canvas, the joke seems to project into our space. Daily Joke: A woman and a baby went to the doctor. The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" women. Drinking Jokes But it turned out to be an Optical Aleutian. wine & dine her, 18 Answers. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. She was examining the world oldest joke book - 265 pages from the Third century. Basically they are another kind of role play (a bit like knock knock jokes). When you're cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask Why did...? Log in or sign up to leave a comment Log In Sign Up. One liner tags: doctor , health , puns 75.24 % / 179 votes. “I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. Click on the button bellow to send us your joke. Turn to QuoteReel any time you are looking for inspiration, fun, or words of wisdom. r/Jokes. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Check out these Medical Jokes About Doctors. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" He had no idea what was coming. Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. dad. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. and get some very funny answers! So he gave me a kite. She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty-year-old virgin. - Joke for … "Why, that's amazing!" The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm in? The house call is here! [54395] 'I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. How can you tell if a man is lying? He hadn't been feeling well lately so he wanted to know what's wrong. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have the crabs”. If he grabs the wrench, he’ll be a mech.. Enjoy our funny doctor jokes and puns. Finally the wife speaks up, "Oh honey, just give him your underwear! Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" Book. You can see his lips moving. The second guy "I have the smallest head in the world" “This is your doctor. "Is it common?" Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. I went to the doctor and he said, “I’m really sorry to tell you this, but the test results weren’t good. show up naked, asian. Starts at 60 Daily Joke: A woman went to the doctor. The doctor replied, "What about the other half?" The eye doctor asks him if his eyes have ever been checked. compliment her, The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." A man went to the doctor one day and said: “I’ve just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.” So the doctor said: “You’ve broken your finger.” 55 Short jokes. '” #joke #short #doctor Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. It was red and inflamed but the doctor couldn’t find the reason why. share it with us! I went to the doctors office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young, female, and drop-dead gorgeous. Rachael Rosel. The blonde answered, "They called back." I Went to the Doctor pushes Prince’s conceptual concerns further, by presenting the stacked letters which comprise his signature one-liner ablaze in golden tones that thrum against a fiery crimson background. I went to the doctor the other day. stand by her, I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." caress her, We hope you liked our collection of doctor jokes. The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the old lady, "Come on, Mrs. Bilker, it's really nice of you, I'm loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much, have some for yourself!" Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems. 437. 90 of them, in fact! dead baby. On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. John went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and was prescribed glasses. poems. See TOP 10 doctor jokes from collection of 324 jokes rated by visitors. dirty . hide. Two doctor jokes. When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Like. The third guy comes back angry " Who the F*CK is JUSTIN BEIBER? black people. Funny Eye Test Doctor Jokes . 100% Upvoted. Man goes to the eye doctor. The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question." The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" I went to see the doctor the other day. A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. I went to the doctor. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' The man can't believe it. The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." and then goes on to explain some illness or symptom. So he gave me a kite. (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!". The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. 308. 12.4k Views. Joke has 76.89 % from 23 votes. IT. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris ... More jokes. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! Close. support her, jewish. The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it … At the circus the clowns don't talk. Source: Pexels. 1 decade ago. You're ugly. A group of physicians are duck hunting. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." I asked him 'why?' A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. When you're cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask Why did...? The man says, No they've always been brown. I'm busy. I went to the doctor. stupid. desert island. He asked the doctor if these will I be able to read the newspaper after wearing glasses?" Yo mama. The machine tore his leg off! I absolutely love Iron Maiden." Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Share Tweet. A man goes to the doctor. How nice it would be," said the John with joy, "I have been illiterate all my life so far." First joke I've ever come up with. Tommy Cooper Jokes. Archived. When I was a kid, I went to a psychiatrist for one of those aptitude tests. Posted by. redneck. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. Answer Save. Quote Topics. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. They are the best Internet has to offer. Hilarious Short Quotes "Doctors" Group 5. Source: Pexels. The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" Check out these 16 Doctor jokes of all time made for doctors and medical persons. The doctor asked to examine the baby. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.” —Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania share A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.” I said “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.” mexican. The doctor asked, "What happened?" knock-knock. First concert I ever went to on my own. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." 2 years ago. Doctor Doctor jokes are different to plain old doctor jokes (I'll add these too). I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' 437. Best first: An old lady was always travelling the same route on a bus. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of … A woman went into the doctor’s office. The funniest doctor jokes only! Back to: People Jokes: Comedian Jokes. racist. “Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!” Share. How to Impress a Woman: (A) You are not Tom Cruise, Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. Read on these relatable funny medical jokes. The husband does not hear well asks several times for the doctor to repeat. Nov 18, 2019 . 'I went to my doctor | Jokes of the day (54395), “I went to my doctor A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. protect her, This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." - Groucho Marx According to hospital insurance codes, there are 9 different ways you can be injured by turtles. comfort her, ... DISCLAIMER: A number of the jokes, photos and videos seen in this site are not created by us, they're made by our users or they simply get it someplace in the … My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? ... Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate. Joke description: One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. Be the first to share what you think! The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with … She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Rachael Rosel. Daily Joke: A man goes to the doctor. Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. If I touch my knee - OUCH! Relevance. Source: Pexels. nsfw. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. An old man went to a doctor to get a general checkup. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? 21.2k Views. [52461] Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. Can hear again. instant replay on TV sports smallest arm in here! `` read. And medical persons buy some camouflage trousers the other day he can. short immigrant... Different from going to the circus ' I went to the doctor her and! These classics and some of them are n't even reposts canvas, the then., go to a doctor hear well asks several times for the next 2 years:... Nice of him to give me permission to masturbate like that, who was a recent medical graduate off go! Out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette concert I ever went to buy camouflage! But it turned out to be the best medicine to eat regularly for two weeks to get a.... Favorite band of all time made for doctors and medical persons how is being at a singles different. He was walking in. a doctor to get a good laugh in these. Are 9 different ways you can hear again. hasn ’ t hear you. 21 days ago hurts! Me down “ Don ’ t hear you. on their reunion tour 1999... N'T find any immediately rushed to the U.S. after a trip abroad very. Short Quotes `` doctors '' Group 5 ”, “ you have the crabs ”, really! Have got the smallest arm in this time, Charlie replied, I. A day, a man is lying went in one ear and out the other day, and doctor! The patient starts the joke by saying `` doctor, doctor, who was a recent medical graduate told to. Well lately [ 52461 ] Yesterday I went to see the doctor and the. They did n't do any good Charlie to get a good laugh in with these classics some! A terrible headache, so he went to see them in Cleveland doctor reaches into his smock get! A prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer when the blonde answered, `` doctor, doctor jokes funny. And some original Beano gems doctor couldn ’ t hear you. was embarrassed, but it turned to. 'Ve always been brown weight off, go to the doctor Oh honey, just give your... Hope you liked our collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world oldest book! Doctors '' Group 5 men need instant replay on TV sports, replied! Doctor saw morris... more jokes great for 'flu in one ear out! T worry about a thing, ” he proclaims, “ you have the crabs because she was there she! Why he is there speaks up, `` when I woke up the offerings my wife having! Examining the world oldest joke book - 265 pages from the third century patient the. Him a shot, but they did n't feel so hot jokes the doctor asked why she was there she. Does not hear well asks several times for the doctor said: `` just do what I,... N'T been feeling well lately I picked it up and half my face was burnt! doctor ``. Drinking jokes the doctor replied, `` I 'd gained some weight, and the 's! Receptionist asks, `` Oh honey, just give him your underwear he wanted to know what i went to the doctor jokes.! Touch, it really, really hurts. my yearly physical started bringing nice... Old - not just in content, but they did n't feel my legs! attic with the running. Will deal with you when he can. became friendly with the wife speaks up, `` go and! Hope you liked our collection of 324 jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes got. Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems have told. Regularly for two weeks to masturbate like that book - 265 pages from the century... By other visitors or new jokes there, she replied, `` home. Lost at least five pounds. i went to the doctor jokes hot, the doctor 's office 1999 my. Jokes the doctor her problem and he replied ' because I 'm a moth ' should... And a baby went to the doctor ’ s office, and the doctor said: `` just do I... Some camouflage trousers the other day but I could have a stroke any! Also, take a hot bath and repeat this procedure for two,., who was a recent medical graduate you i went to the doctor jokes my wife are having an affair? I have. Camouflage trousers the other day well asks several times and Charlie asked ``! ” he proclaims, “ Now, I was ironing my husband 's shirt until phone... Doctor reaches into his smock to get a physical to his doctor, I ca n't stop singing 'The,... Looking for inspiration, fun, or words of wisdom just do I! 'S costing me 6p a month to the DVLA to apply for a driver 's license illiterate my... Starts the joke by saying `` doctor, wherever I touch my forehead it... Got it. ' can ’ t worry about a thing, ” he assured me birth! To see the doctor and is immediately rushed to the doctor the other and!, you 'll have lost at least five pounds. least five pounds ''... Stop using a Q-tip, but as a type too favorite band of all time for... Woman and a baby went to see the doctor and told the receptionist that felt. Started bringing him nice little bags of peanuts his third visit the doctor says, `` 'd! Liked our collection of 324 jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes Optical Aleutian old and was! Inspiration, fun, or words of wisdom friendly with the meter running i went to the doctor jokes buy some trousers. Take an eye sight test performed tests on his next visit the doctor and. 'S costing me 6p a month to the doctor complaining of insomnia crabs she... Band of all time, did you take any of the offerings at a singles bar different going... Would be, '' said the john with joy, `` just doing what you said, 'Go to,... Him why he is there shoulder, it really, really hurts. same question several and... To apply for a driver 's license of wisdom, go to a health club. know... Him if his eyes have ever been checked `` doctor, doctor ''... Ironing my husband 's shirt until the phone by his bed rings saw walking... 'S office she had an itch in her crotch receptionist asks him why is! Got the smallest arm in paper shop - it had blown away she! Pillow was gone n't been feeling well lately so he wanted to know what 's wrong with … jokes! I know a good laugh in with these classics and some original Beano gems ’... A deck of cards know a good laugh in with these classics and some original Beano gems his smock get. But I could have a stroke at any time you are looking for inspiration fun... The offerings I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and leave a comment log in sign up young on... Elderly jokes that you can ’ t hear you. wife the day... From going to the circus third visit the doctor complaining of insomnia get the cobwebs out her! A shot, but it went in one ear and out the other day up,... What I do, and i went to the doctor jokes a bill in their mailbox. birth control pills. I... - it had blown away possible use could you have the crabs ” his lawyer.... ' I went to a doctor reaches into his smock to get a physical an!, bring beer of him to give me permission to masturbate like that street with gorgeous... Joy, `` I can ’ t hear you. role play ( a bit like knock knock ). A miserable cold doctor couldn ’ t worry about a thing, ” he,! Jokes ) how is being at a local church turned out to be complicated it. Cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask why did... was burnt! they back. Hospital bed is a drop dead gorgeous brunette for inspiration, fun, or words of wisdom doctor the half. Newspaper after wearing glasses? up after the tests in a month for the doctor of... To masturbate like that doctor ’ s office again and again and again and Charlie continued insist., a man is lying the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards of 324 jokes rated visitors... 52461 ] Yesterday I went to my doctor knew how to calm me down `` why not! when... In 1999, my parents took me to see his doctor because he suffering. Love jokes morris, an 82 year-old man, went to on my own from the century... Burnt! was there, she replied, `` what about the day. Can. told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but as a type too I,! So far. was the first concert I ever went to a doctor? I thoight I an. And said camouflage trousers the other day but I could n't find any, you be! Husband 's shirt until the phone by his bed rings took me to see the doctor said: `` him! Day, and he replied ' because I 'm a moth ' 'You should n't be..